Peace, Happiness and Reality

9:30pm

I'm really dragging right now but figured out it isn't because anything is wrong. I'm just really tired. Good to know it is just that. I couldn't fall asleep last night because so much was on my mind. Hopefully I will be tired enough tonight that won't be a problem.

I've decided that I am determined to be a seeker of the Truth. Driven. I will find an answer.

Tonight one thing I heard at church was that we need to 'apply' the Word, walk it out in our lives. I am determined to keep growing and learning and seeking. Part of that is being closer in my walk with God. Part of that is learning more about what it is to be human and what it is to be me. Just Faith.

I want to live my life in peace. If the people around me are angry I not only don't have to respond in anger but I can still be peaceful and happy letting their stuff be their stuff.

Today on Facebook Joyce Meyer said, “Nobody else is in charge of your happiness except you.”

A few weeks ago my reaction would have been, 'Yeah, right. You have no idea what my life is like.'

Today those words are very freeing. I just need to figure out how to let their stuff be their stuff.

Does that mean ignoring them or acting like I don't care? No, not at all. I think caring doesn't mean I have to let someone's words stab my heart and make me miserable.

Sometimes those words that someone says carelessly will stab my heart no matter what I think or want or how much I am trying to be in charge of my own happiness. The reality is that being in a relationship can hurt me just as much as the love in the relationship is healing and fulfilling. Relationships are just hard sometimes and maybe it is perspective I need in all of this. I want to be happy. I don't want to be miserable. I can choose to care and be a loving and forgiving person. Sometimes I will be hurt. But the giving and loving and learning and growing we do together is more than that. Relationships are worth it.

I want my life to mean something and often I have thought it didn't and believed a lot of people think that about me too.

I want to make a difference and often I have felt powerless to do more than tread water and try to survive.

I want to live in peace.

That doesn't mean that I won't take a stand when it matters.

I will.

That doesn't mean that I will be dishonest about my feelings or yours and put on a 'Everything is wonderful because Jesus Loves me' t-shirt and never admit my struggles.

No, my struggles are real, like yours, and painful and hard but they are not all I am or all I will ever be.

I can be honest if I have the courage to let you see the real me, and I will be.